If you read any of this, read this beginning part, please. This is the biggest case of ignorance and stupidity I have encountered in awhile and it happened thursday. Well I have Ceramics/Sculpture and I made this really cool all black penguin with a purple hat... I had to carry it around all day because I didn't want to waste the time going to get it from ms. placht's room since i was going to have to go to the hospital and all to visit my grandma (read below). That was the biggest mistake, I should have taken the time to ensure my sculpture's safety. I'm not the most graceful and remembering one could say, and I was thinking all day of how crushed I would be if something happened to this penguin that I had spent about 15 hours working on. Well it was 6th hour, only one more hour to go, and i got about 10 seconds out of the door when to my horror i realized I had forgotten my penguin, so I shoved my way back through. I frantically searched the room for my penguin, which... wasn't there (damn typing this is just getting me all sad again). Someone had stolen my penguin, I wanted to think that maybe it was one of my friend who knew how much i cared about the penguin and saw I forgot it and picked it up for me. 7th hour I have with my favorite teacher, and I spent the first half of class just crying. It was like the final straw that made me topple you know. I hadn't cried or anythign since the weekend and I suppose it was just time now. I couldn't understand why someone would be so cruel as to steal someone work of artwork.. If I only knew. Afterschool there was a short meeting with one of my clubs, and quite a few of my friends showed up. So 4 of us went searching for my penguin, we couldn't find it anywhere. When we got back to the library my ceramics teacher was in there. Before I could even ask her if she had seen my penguin, "...Why was your penguin all of the business wing?" "....W-what?" "Yea I just found your penguin in pieces all of the business hallway" "Some sick twisted person stole my penguin and smashed it all over the floor is that what you are saying?!" Anyways, My teacher had cleaned it up and put it in a trash bag. My friend rebecca being the good friend she was went dumpster diving with me for my poor penguin. I had to wash the trash off of him and I'm still missing a couple pieces of him (he was in pretty big pieces) but his beak is missing, part of his wing, and part of one of his eyes. Me and Rebecca are going to do surgery on him next week and try to salvage him - I really don't know what I would do without her. I just. I don't understand why someone would want to do that... People should be ashamed... Ignorance hurts. I'm still sad about my poor penguin =/
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I've pulled off my mask. One of my friends at school knows who I am. She doesn't despise me for who I am, and she is about the only person I have nowadays. She can make me smile no matter what. I like her more than I should... I don't want to creep her out or anything so she won't find that out . She makes me feel like a person. She is one of the four good things happening in my life right now. 1. having her as a friend 2. WEEKEND! Means more sleep 3. my grandma didn't die and 4. easter break coming up.
Yep the only bright spots in my life right now. I am so freaking depressed. I feel pathetic saying this and all. Grr. But.. Everything is just going so fucking wrong. That stupid filthy bitch I have to call a sister, HAD TO go to FL to see her gf or she was going to kill herself! (i almost thing that would have been a good thing) And like I said in the last journal, the van's engine died and all. So we had to ask my mom's parents (the grandparents i'm going to be talking about) to see if we could borrow their car... and if we could have the about 2000 it will cost for the van to be fixed. We told them that megan needed the car so that she could drive to work (she was being laid off monday since Arby's (where she worked)) had had too many workers - she left for FL on sunday and gets back this sunday 4/1) and so my grandpa. after much bitching and causing my mom to cry, let them use their rendevous. So megan went to FL (they(grandparents) didn't know about that). And then. Everything fell apart.
So it's Wednesday - I woke up with my grass allergy making me itch so I had to take 2 benedryl. I was tired all during school and slept for a half hour in one of my classes. Afterschool I didn't want to walk home too soon (too much school traffic) so I walked around with my friend Betsy for a little why, then I was going to get a ride home if her sister remembered to pick her up, which she didn't. But anyways, Betsy went into the school because she forgot one of her books. I was just sitting there on the benches so I decided to check my phone messages - even though I doubted I had any, I would still turn my phone up incase one of my parents needed to contact me. 1 Missed Call 1 Voice Mail. I'm like.. thinking "probably just some idiot" I opened my voice mail box "Sarah when you get this message, call me back immediately, grandma is having emergency surgery." *face turns white as paper* ......... *Started freaking out and called my mom*
My grandma was having chest pains and shoulder/back pains that morning, so she had my grandpa take her to the small hospital over in washington (about 30 mins from their house). They toook an EKG on her. It was really abnormal and she was airlifted to big St John's in STL. My grandma had had a bad heart attack. They couldn't get the stint in and my grandma had to have an immediate double bypass. Within an hour of arriving at the hospital she was being operated on. I was just freaking out, because there was the possibility that we could lose her. I went up with my cousin to the hospital. She was only in surgery... 3-4 hours. About 3 hours after that they weaned her off of the .. I forgot what it was called. But she was freaking out and we got to see her... It was scary. They were basically controling her body, her heart rate, she had a respirator, all these tubes, a cathetor, 40 IV drips, pain killers. It was just freaky... But she made it through that.
It was just scary because my grandma is such a strong person, no one would have guessed she would have a heart attack... =/ My grandpa's brother just had a triple bypass less than a year ago too. Anyway. I visited her thursday too. And it has just been so stressful because I've had homework, and visiting grandma, and all this other crappy stress, and school, and then taking benedryl so i don't rub my skin off, but sleep instead. It's been hectic. And my grandpa totally flipped out at my mom at lunch thursday when he found out that my mom and dad needed the rendevous because megan went to FL. And he acused her of being a liar and all this stuff (i don't really feel like explaining it all) and he got my mom real upset, and she's already been really upset. She had a panic attack last Saturday... Plus there is just so much other family tension, since my grandparent's are the only ones who can stand my uncle and his wife. I think our family will be really lucky if we're all still speaking in a year.. And that frightens and saddens me because I love my family. =/
It's just all too much. I had a choice to ride with my uncle and his wife (the ones i loathe - for many credible reasons mind you) to go to the hospital are just staying home and taking it easy. Yea. We all know which one I choose, I really needed a break from it all though...
I am just so freaking depressed and neurotic lately. My moods were changing in less than a minute earlier and I think I was freaking some people out. Anyways. If you read all this crap, and if you care. Thank you, thank you so much.
I'll try to remain standing
I don't think I'm going to be doing art for awhile but I dunno. Most likely some writing, right now all I can think is sleeeeeeeeeep. though.
P.S. Do you like the subject, I came up with it myself!
P.S.S I think I wrote this more for me than anyone else...